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Lowering Your Anxiety by Cultivating a Positive Mental Attitude

Fri, 14 Nov 2025 19:37:42 GMT

Lowering Your Anxiety

by Cultivating

a Positive Mental Attitude

Anxiety is often a sign that your body needs rest, your soul needs reassurance, and your mind needs support.

If you’re a woman who spends her days caring for everyone—kids, aging parents, in your workplace, your community—you probably carry more responsibility than you realize. And with that responsibility often comes exhaustion, overwhelm, and a mind that rarely stops spinning.

As a therapist, a mom, a wife, and a Christian woman who has walked through her own seasons of anxiety, I want to gently remind you of something important: your mind is powerful, and with the right support, you can guide it toward peace instead of panic.

What a Positive Mental Attitude Really Means

First, let’s clear something up—having a positive mental attitude does not mean pretending everything is fine or forcing yourself to “just think happy thoughts.”

A positive mental attitude is a practice of:

noticing what your mind is saying,
choosing which thoughts you want to hold on to,
and gently releasing the ones that drain your energy and steal your peace.

It’s not about pressure—it’s about perspective.

In CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), we call this reframing . It’s a way of shifting from automatic, anxious thoughts to ones rooted in truth, clarity, and compassion. Paired with mindf ulness, which teaches you to stay present instead of spiraling into the future or stuck in the past, these tools help you cultivate calm from the inside out.

Why Women Like You Often Feel So Anxious

If you’re between 35 and 65, you may be navigating:

changing hormones
the mental load of motherhood
work responsibilities
caregiving roles
chronic tiredness
and the internal pressure to “hold it all together”

Anxiety isn’t a personal flaw—it’s a signal that your body and mind are overwhelmed.

And you deserve support, not shame.

Three Gentle Ways to Strengthen a Positive Mental Attitude

Notice Your “Default Setting” Without Judging It

Many women don’t even realize their minds are running on auto-pilot:

“What if something bad happens?”
“What if I can’t handle this?”
“What if I let someone down?”

Before we can change these patterns, we have to see them.

Try this simple practice :
For one day, jot down any anxious “what if” that pops up. Don’t analyze it. Don’t argue with it. Just notice it.

Awareness alone reduces its power.

Ask: “Is there another way to look at this?”

This is the CBT magic question. It opens the door to possibility.

For example:
Anxious thought: “If I don’t get everything done today, I’m failing.”
Reframe: “I’m allowed to be human. I can only do one thing at a time. That is enough.”

See how gentle that shift is?
It’s not fake positivity—it's a compassionate truth.

Ground yourself in the present moment

Anxiety pulls you into tomorrow.
Mindfulness brings you back to today.

Try a 30-second grounding pause:

Feel your feet on the floor
Relax your shoulders
Take one slow breath in…
And whisper a short prayer or affirmation, such as:
“Lord, calm my mind.”
or
“Peace is available to me right now.”

Your nervous system responds to these tiny resets.

Your Anxiety Isn’t the Enemy—It’s a Messenger

Anxiety is often a sign that your body needs rest, your soul needs reassurance, and your mind needs support.
You don’t have to fix everything on your own. You weren’t meant to.

As women, especially women of faith, we carry so much for others… but God also calls us to care for our own hearts.

You Deserve a Mind That Feels Like a Safe Place

If you’re longing for more peace, a healthier perspective, and strategies to help you quiet the noise inside your mind, I would love to walk with you.

I offer one-on-one counseling for women who are overwhelmed, tired, and ready to learn how to cultivate a positive mental attitude grounded in faith, wisdom, and practical tools.

If you’re ready to feel lighter, clearer, and more supported, reach out and schedule a counseling session with me.
Let’s work together to create the calm, strong, grounded mindset you deserve.

Kathryn Gardner

Mom, Wife, Licensed Therapist, Certified Health Coach, Christian Catholic

On a mission to help anxious women find tranquility!

Set-up a counseling session today! Join my monthly newsletter for more tips. Check out my other blog posts to learn more about women's well-being. Individual Counseling info

Blog posts may utilize openAI tools.

Tips for Anxiety and Overthinking

Tue, 02 Jul 2024 14:04:39 GMT

Tips for Anxiety and Overthinking

When your mind races, you feel tense and overwhelmed, it may be from overthinking . Let's take a look together at the causes of anxiety and overthinking and how to manage it today!

I was sitting on the couch and I could feel that I was getting more and more annoyed. Every time one of the kids asked a question or needed something, I felt irritated. I snapped, "What do you need now?"

Ouch!

I was immediately flooded with mom-guilt. What is wrong with me? Why am I so on edge?

The answer (after lots of self reflection) - I am anxious and overthinking! My mental Inbox was full, and I was thinking on HIGH speed, which needed my full attention. With each interruption and request, I felt my boundaries being crowded and I could not finish what my brain needed to do. I got more aggravated with the Incomplete feeling. I realized it was my desire to feel calm and have a quiet mind again.

Let's explore this!

Why do I overthink?

Have you ever wondered WHY you get caught in a negative loop of thoughts? I love working with women in counseling and explaining how the brain works. This is not something that is because you are "dramatic" or because you "should just stop thinking like that!"

Science helps us to understand that our caveman brain continues today. If a tiger was approaching, the caveman had to survive! He would scan the area for resources, "Should I run up a tree or grab a stick?" Each way to fight or each path to flee comes racing into the mind. Quickly and loud! This helped the caveman to make urgent decisions to save their life.

Well, you and I aren't fighting off tigers. We may face physical dangers, but more than likely your stress triggers are from emotional dangers. "What will he think of me?" "Did I do well at that?" "How is that going to turn out?" "Why did she say that to me?"

And when we do not have an immediate answer - we loop and overthink.

What are common themes of overthinking?

If you have selected this topic to read about, you may know exactly what I am talking about. You get caught thinking through a situation and then, keep thinking and analyzing deeper. Some of my overthinking is like a tennis match - back and forth between how a situation will turn out or what I agree about the situation, then what I disagree about the situation, oh, then back to agree thoughts. Round and round. Ugh, mentally exhausting!

There are a variety of topics you have done overthinking about. Take a look at your ruminating this week, what was it about?

There are 3 main themes that I hear women in counseling share.

1. Uncertainty

This theme is when you just are not certain how something in the future is going to turn out. Or, you may look back at something that has already occurred and analyze the hell out of it. You have a mental decision tree going at all times, If this...then that will happen...If this...then that other thing might happen.

Example : Job interview - Am I going to get the job? Did I give the best answers? Who are the other candidates? If I don't get a call today, then I definitely did not get the job! If they offer me the job, I don't know if I have enough skills to impress them in the position.

2. Decisions

This theme is when you have to weigh the pros and cons of a situation, to exhaustion. You just do not feel settled with one decision or the other. This may be about a decision you already executed or one that is coming up.

Example: Parenting decision - Your child clearly broke the rules. You had a decision to make about the consequences. As time has passed, you are not sure if you like how this turned out and if your own emotions interfered in the decision-making. You lay in bed thinking this over and over.

3. Doubts

This theme is usually about our insecurities and relationships. Professional or personal relationships. We all know our weaknesses, it is the fear that others see them too, judge us and can hurt our hearts. You roll these social encounters over and over in your mind. You think about it without feeling complete.

Example : Intimate relationship - You and your spouse have gone out to a nice dinner together. He seems distracted and only has a surface conversation with you. Your mind fills in the blank - He is upset with me. He needs to tell me bad news. He is frustrated with me. His feelings have changed. You go down a rabbit hole of worst-case scenarios to your observation that he is quiet. Your insecurities feed you the answers!

What is Overthinking?

Overthinking is defined as thinking about a topic without feeling complete and causing a combo of physical, emotional and mental fatigue.

You do not feel like you can let it go.

You volley the ideas back and forth, to exhaustion.

You get lost, distracted and foggy from all the energy that the thinking does.

You are seeking to feel peace. You want to feel calm and no longer dwell on the topic.

Check out my YouTube video on Anxiety and Overthinking

What can I do to manage the anxiety and overthinking?

I wanted to provide you the education so that you understand what is happening in your well-being, and now, I want to share what you can do to decrease the discomfort of overthinking.

Write it down

Do you journal? Do you write yourself text messages? Do keep a doc in your phone? These are all places that you can use to sort out your thoughts and your feelings.

Even if you jot down a phrase or keywords, this stops the looping in the moment and makes a promise to your brain - I will come back to this when the time is right. You will not use mental energy to memorize these thoughts and wrestle with them all day while you really want to focus on something else.

Much of your mental fatigue is from pushing your topic away, over and over. You want to be in the present moment or now is just not the right time to sort out the details with what you are battling with. But your brain pushes it back to the first tab open - READ ME!

So, to not have to memorize it, write down the idea or question. Then, when you have the space or solitude, pull it apart. Write down more questions. Write out a pros and cons list. Write what more information you are needing to make a decision. Write down what action plans or conversations you can have to find resolution and find peace.

Looking for a good journal notebook?

My daughter and I designed a beautiful Palm Tree journal notebook . It is 100 pages long, lined pages. It is only 6x9, so it fits in your purse or beach bag. Jot down your ideas, questions, dreams or wishes! Sold on Amazon for $5.33.

Say it out loud

Troubles shared makes the load less heavy to carry! Whenever you find yourself looping on ideas, worries, or areas to problem solve, share them in conversation with a trusted friend or family member.

If you are sitting with your sister at lunch, let her into your racing thoughts and share, "Hey, I have had all of these worries about this new job, can I share them with you?" This introduces your need to vent, to simply share. Then, she can reply with validation and acknowledgement. If you need advice, open that up in the conversation next, "What do you think I should do?"

Remember, we could line up 5 friends and they would each approach the problem with different reactions and different advice. So, if you still do not feel settled or like you found the answer that will calm your mind, talk to the next person.

Walk away

The truth is, time may be more of what you need. Our minds can make us feel like the topic is urgent and puts us into a spin of overthinking. However, most decisions are not happening right this moment but into the future.

That's great news! You have TIME on your side. So, write it down and WALK AWAY. You don't have to memorize it, you have it in the journal. (Maybe your cute Tranquility Journal ). Wake up the next morning or look at it 2 weeks later, open the journal and see if you have more info now. You may have more clarity about the entire scenario now.

Great job, you stopped the overthinking and managed your anxiety. You have the opportunity to have more time today to appreciate a Tranquility Moment.

Check out my YouTube video and Facebook / Instagram posts with more tips!

Kathryn D. Gardner, LMHC, LCPC, CHC, is a Christian mom, wife, Licensed Therapist (in Florida and Illinois) and Certified Health Coach. She and her family moved from Chicago, IL, to Tampa, FL, in 2022, to live near the ocean and be in the sunshine. She shares well-being tips with women who are also helpers - moms, teachers, nurses, medical professionals, counselors, social workers and caretakers of ill family members. She provides individual counseling to women in Florida and Illinois via Telehealth. She is also available for speaking events in the Tampa, FL area.

www.KathrynGardner.com

Amazon Affiliate Program - I may have links in my blog posts that connect you to Amazon items that I like. I do receive a small compensation for each item, at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support! KG

How to Notice the Good

Fri, 03 May 2024 16:02:36 GMT

How To Notice The Good

The negatives get our attention

If there was a way to capture each of my thoughts in a day, how many would be focused on negative things and how many would be focused on the positives?

I closed my laptop and waited at the front window for the kids to get home from school. I was thinking of all of the things I need to still get done. My mind raced - the call I needed to make to our business accountant, the laundry still sitting in the dryer, the email with the activities going on next week at school that I need to add to the family calendar, the water bottles that need to be washed for the weekend football game, oh, and the church bulletin graphic due on Monday. Ugh. Had I gotten anything done all day? Why is there still so much unfinished work? I'm not organized enough, I moaned to myself. I take on way too much, I sighed.

My mood shifted from feeling accomplished and ready to welcome the kids, to heavy and discouraged. There is just not enough hours in the day, I huffed.

I could have stayed in that mindset. I could have let all of the air out my happiness balloon.

How to respond to the negative thoughts

It seems easier to focus on all of the negatives, in ourselves and others. Or, at least I notice those things much more quickly! I can tell you what I want my co-workers to do differently. I can tell you who on social media is full of themselves. I can tell you what my child keeps doing that is driving me nuts. I can tell you what the problem is, but do I know a solution - probably not!

And round and round we go. These are the thoughts that bring you and I lots of unneeded worry, concern and tension. We complain. We grunt. We judge. We criticize. Yet, those drain our mind and body. They drain my heart, too.

A great way to boost your energy and mood is to focus on the good.

You need a mental STOP sign.

To pause the critical, negative train in your head!

Change what you notice

It is true, things are going to bother you. However, change what your eyes look at. Look for the good. Notice the positives.

I could bake a cake and decorate it for one of the kids' birthdays. I can look it over and tell you where there is too much icing, where it is lop-sided or where the filling is oozing out. OR, I can smile to myself and know that my son or daughter is just going to love having one of my cakes made just for them!

The trick - look with your heart.

Over-thinking the mistakes, the could-of-done-better aspects will drain you!

Notice the good in others

Start noticing what is good by looking for the strengths in those you love. Today, even if there was a conflict, there is good. There are areas that have improved since last month. There are changes that are still possible. Notice the good.

Write down the good things you see and feel. Notice what your spouse is doing out of love and respect. Notice what your child did today that was not even prompted by you. Notice what your loved ones would say about you right now if I asked them about you!

Notice the good in yourself

Ah, the trickiest part of noticing the good is noticing the good in ourselves. Boy, we tend to be so self-critical. And is it impossible to be positive towards anyone else if I am so negative towards myself? (hmm, good future blog post?!)

Take my moment at the window waiting for the kids. I could have let that change my whole attitude. That could have soured my reunion with the kids (who are full of their own emotions from the day at school!).

It is a choice. It takes effort to put up the emotional STOP sign and shift what you are focusing on.

Wrap-up

You will have plenty of moments of frustration this week. It is up to you to listen to what your mind is focusing on and put up the STOP sign.

There is so much good in your life. You have so much to be thankful for. I understand if you are in a difficult season or things are really tough right now. Start small and sit in quiet to listen to what your heart shows you as good.

The more that you see the good, the more you will notice! I hope these moments make you smile. I call them Tranquility Moments - bringing you happiness, joy, love, peace, calm and confidence.

"Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely and admirable.

Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

- Philippians 4:8

Kathryn D. Gardner, LMHC, LCPC, CHC, is a Christian mom, wife, Licensed Therapist (in Florida and Illinois) and Certified Health Coach. She and her family moved from Chicago, IL, to Tampa, FL, in 2022, to live near the ocean and be in the sunshine. She shares well-being tips with women who are also helpers - moms, teachers, nurses, medical professionals, counselors, social workers and caretakers of ill family members. She provides individual counseling and speaking events in the Tampa, FL area. KathrynGardner.com

Welcome to my blog!

Mon, 29 Apr 2024 18:42:55 GMT

Welcome to my blog!

I wish you and I were sitting on the beach, with our floppy sunhats, a fruity drink with an umbrella, listening the waves gently wash up.

Maybe we would chat about family.

Maybe we would vent about work.

Maybe we would talk about the struggles recently.

Maybe we would laugh about mishaps of the week or the mom-fail of the day.

Maybe we would sigh and wish we could just sit here all day!

All I know, is we would feel better after.

I can't wait to start writing to you in my new blog! I started blogging years ago and then, in 2020, started the TranquilityMoms.com blog. You can check out some of my posts there on family, faith, travel and wellness.

Here, I hope to share tips with you about well-being. This is where I will give you quick tips on:

anxiety
over-thinking
worrying
feeling calm and confident
stress in motherhood
types of fatigue
Positive Psychology
understanding happiness
guiding helpers to find happiness
creating, seeking and appreciating Tranquility Moments

I would love for you to join me in a counseling session . Let's chat soon!

Be well and God bless,

Kathryn